No Food or Drink.

Is that statement confusing to you? It shouldn't be, but I can tell it is.

NO FOOD OR DRINK. Ok, except my coffee? Sure, I can let that slide. It's early, you're grumpy, I got it.

What about my fried chicken leg? No. NO! Come on people!

Yeah I see the sign while I drink some water on the way home from the gym. Occasionally I'll sneak a bite of my morning bagel if the train isn't too crowded; but there is a line--I'd like to call it reason.

Is it reasonable for someone to sip on a caffeinated beverage on the bus? I'm thinking, yes.

Is it reasonable for someone to pull small bottles of alcohol out of their pocket, slurp the contents down and then discard it on the floor of the train. I'm leaning towards no.

Now, I'm really gonna stretch it.

To me, it's most definitely unreasonable for someone to board the bus clenching a half-eaten fried chicken leg, open bag of greasy potato chips, a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and a can of black beans. As if the combination of those things didn't make you want to yack just a little, know that this scenario is not fiction. And, reading about it here is much different than having those smells plop on down next to you.

Freshly showered and wearing clean, newly washed clothes, I boarded the 6-Parnassus heading inbound one early, weekday morning. As usual most seats were taken except for two in the very back row. I sat down, the last empty seat to my left and a woman playing with her iphone on my right.

At the next step a woman stumbled aboard without flashing a pass or sliding in two bucks inside the payment slot. She was mumbling something inaudible and heading right for me--well, the spot next to me.

Of course, she is the drumstick-clenching woman I eluded to above. She parked herself and her make-shift picnic on the seat next to me and began to finish her food on-the-go.

I was a fool to think this woman would eat her food in peace.

She sang into her drumstick like a microphone and let pieces of half-chewed, greasy potato chips spew out at her audience, bowing (almost falling into my lap) at the end each song. After her performance she lashed out at the spectators. Come on! If you put on a show, people gonna watch (no matter how horrible)!

"Whatareyoulookin'at," she slurred at no one in particular. "You'realljustjealous," she rationalized.

Her mumbling persisted while her drumstick mic transformed yet again into some kind of glass which she raised to each rider, "Thisistoyooou," she grumbled out while shoving her face with black beans.

Distracted by her own distraction, the drool-covered, smell-infested (did I forget to mentiontoothless?) woman lost track of the bus's progress and missed her stop. Hey, if you can't handle eating and riding the bus, maybe you shouldn't put your meal on wheels, hu?

Her bothersome behavior escalated involving the whole bus in her missed-stop-tragedy, "Stompthebus!" her outburst caused a catastrophic spill of the beans that missed my leg by inches and her careless disregard for chips resulted in some passengers getting a lap-full.

Once she de-boarded, the entire bus exhaled a sigh of relief and people's focus shifted back to the isolation of iphones and pods--the way mass transit is intended.

Service "Changes"

Effective today, major service changes that affect over half of the MUNI lines will begin.

Because of the $129 million deficit the SFMTA (San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency) is dealing with, extensive "changes" (more like cuts, eliminations, reductions, decreases and limitations) are being implemented. Oh, and once again monthly fares are being increased.

The other day on the J-Church I picked up the 59-page pamphlet that details all of the new changes. Still in disbelief that this is way the SFMTA thinks it will get out of the financial hole--provide less and worse services to a public and charge them more for it--I didn't get past the cover before laughing: "Your MUNI system is changing December 5 know your options."

"Options"? I'm sorry, what are my options? I see only one option (which, therefore isn't an option, it's a choice--a choice that I'm forced to make since the SFMTA can't budget money), and that's that I'll have to learn to wait even longer for any MUNI vehicle that I take on a regular basis. That's a horrible "option."

In case you didn't know, here are the lines that will be experiencing some ch-ch-changes:

N-Judah, 1, 1AX/1BX, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8X/8AX/8BX, 9, 9L, 9X/9AX/9BX, 10, 12, 14L, 16X/16AX/16BX, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 26, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 35, 36, 37, 38, 38L, 41, 44, 47, 48, 52, 53, 54, 66, 67, 71, 88, 89, 91, and 108.

Did I leave any out?

There are only a few positive changes: the 5-Fulton and the 38L-Geary, will both see increased frequency and extended hours. Also the 71L, will run with increased frequency.

Of the decreases, one of the most notable is service to the ballpark and Caltrain depot by the N-Judah will not exist on the weekend. MUNI riders who need to access that part of the city on the weekend will have to transfer at Embarcadero Station and take the T-Third Street line instead. However, no increases will be implemented for the T train. Who thinks this up?

Cancelled lines include the 4-Sutter, 7-Haight, 20-Columbus, 26-Valencia, 53-Southern Heights, and the 89-Laguna Honda.

I understand that the SFMTA sees this deficit as an opportunity to cut where there is room, but I see the situation quite differently. They should see this time as chance to reinvent a failing transit system. More people would ride MUNI (and ride it more frequently, thus spending more money on it) if it were more accessible and convenient. I understand raising rates, but then increase service, offer more! Consumers love getting more for their money. In a time of tight wallets like the past year, I believe San Francisco residents would jump on board in record numbers if MUNI became useful. Isn't this obvious SFMTA?

The most amazing part of reading this mini-booklet was that NOWHERE in the entire thing did it say anything about charging more for the monthly pass! Really? Really, you spend thousands of dollars (maybe even hundreds of thousands of dollars) printing up this big packet which can be summed up in two sentences: "The SFMTA is broke so MUNI service will be drastically decreased. More information can be found on our web site." Done.

If only it were that simple. Instead they wisely decided to spend the extra green on printing these things up. That's like sending out a glossy newsletter to everyone you know announcing you're filing for bankruptcy--just send an e-mail! Quit humiliating yourself with this three-language brochure.

Helpless

Every day MUNI gets worse and there is nothing I can do about it.

Today I went to buy my December pass, still slightly bitter about its escalated price of $55. As I slide my credit card over to the cashier I see a sign for January's passes (yes, there will be two different kinds in 2010) with $60 and $70 price tags on them.

To my horror I learn that come the new year, it will cost me another $5 a month to have access to MUNI service. Is this some kind of sick joke?

Seriously, am I mistaken, or weren't prices just raised in July? No, I know I'm not mistaken, I'm in disbelieve that the SFMTA would have the audacity to raise rates for a second time in less than a year.

Here's some math for thought:

Yearly cost to ride MUNI (and city-wide BART) as of January 2009: $540

Yearly cost to ride MUNI (and city-wide BART) as of January 2010: $840

I'm sorry, but are the people in charge somehow not aware of the global economic crisis? (talk about kicking us when we're down....)

On top of escalating prices, service is changing or getting cut on basically every MUNI line. So, you're going to give me less and charge me more.

Does this make sense to anyone?

I feel powerless. There is nothing I do but pay the fee and take the ride--no matter how expensive or how dangerous. I mean, the SFMTA isn't even publicizing this fare hike, because to them, it doesn't really matter. It's five bucks and if you don't have a car and live in the city (and aren't a hermit) you have to pay it.

Well, I guess I do have one option--strike (and hope it catches on like scrunchies in the 90's).

Thanks MUNI Patron!

There are few things worse for the MUNI rider than running--sprinting as fast as physically possible--trying to get to the bus/train before it pulls away. It's a horrible feeling to see the vehicle of your desire leave you behind.

Even more infuriating is when the driver sees you and drives away anyway. I can't help but feel like certain drivers get some sick sense of pleasure by wielding their control in riders' lives in such a negative fashion. On more than one occasion my desperate attempts to flag down a nearly departing bus or light rail train have proved futile. Instead of sneaking aboard on the nick of time, I find myself temporarily stranded after having yelled and waved at the lead-footed driver in what turned out to be a very useless (and desperate) attempt to get his/her attention.

But, last week something amazing happened. I was in a rush (as usual) to make the train. I had hurried through the turnstiles, around the corner, past some sauntering couples, flew down the stairs, and was on the break-away headed straight for the train. I was approaching--within earshot of the dinging sound the doors make when they are about to close. I knew it was going to be close; in fact I knew it was likely that I wouldn't make this train. However, I knew I had to try. As I near the last entrance of the train, a man steps forward, extends his arm and sticks it inside the closing doors, delaying the train just enough so I can board. This event is the single nicest, selfless, and thoughtful act I've witnessed in the past four years I've been riding MUNI.

So, if you're out there kind sir, know that your helpful act made my day! I can't tell you how grateful I am!

Just attach a car.

I don't understand one-car MUNI trains. Seriously, how hard is it to just hook up a second vehicle? It seems like common sense to me (but then again, common sense appears to be completely lost on the SFMTA).

Anyway, tonight I found myself at the N-Judah stop at the intersection of Church and Duboce Streets. It was around 6:30 p.m. To my shock and horror an outbound one-car crammed with people pulled up to the stop. Um, it is rush hour, right?

I didn't even try to puncture someone else's bubble. And, turns out MUNI was able to slightly redeem itself by bringing another N only moments later--a two-car.

You would think that considering the state of the previous car, this one would be relatively less populated. Think again. I barely made it on.

Oh, and, to top it off, I saw a broken down bus later on my trip home. Way to go MUNI!

When it rains...MUNI stops working?

Remember about two weeks ago when it poured rain for a couple two days? I do. You know why I do? I remember those days because after I got dressed, I did the same thing I always do in the morning--check NextMUNI. However, unlike most mornings, I got this lovely surprise: Please note the time in the upper right hand corner. No, your eyes have not failed you. You are seeing correctly. Good 'ol, trusty NextMUNI predicted the nearest inbound N-Judah to be a mere 50 minutes away. Oh, only 50 minutes! I'll only be about an hour late to work, no problem! But, I mean that is provided I would even make it on that train. Let's be rational here. On normal mornings when there's more than 10 minutes between trains, a noticeably uncomfortable increase in per capita riders is likely. I don't even want to be threatened with having to ride that train 50 minutes away.

I understand San Franciscans aren't accustomed to what people in most other parts of the world would call "real" weather. So, I should expect that our public transportation system is unprepared for such weather. But just because it rains more than expected, shouldn't mean people can't get to work! Am I right?

Hygiene

Early morning commuters are notorious for their multitasking and MUNI riders are no exception.

I expect to see women applying needless amounts of makeup and men fiddling with the latest iphone app (both also juggling large mugs full of some kind of caffeinated liquid). It's not unusual to see a rider talking on the phone while trying to read the paper or whatever book they just downloaded to their Kindle. Those acts are commonplace.

I don't expect to see (let alone mention sit next to) a man clipping his fingernails on the N-Judah at 9:28 am. For the record, it is never OK to leave the discarded bits of trimmed fingernails on any mode of transportation, but this is especially true during a crowded morning commute on one of the busiest MUNI lines. In fact the only thing that would make this story worse, would be if he had been cutting his toenails.

Please, imagine the horror I felt (and the reflexes I held back) when I looked over and saw a man casually letting pieces of his nails fall and fling where they may. He didn't seem bothered by their destination, or whether or not they hit others along their way.

I wanted to say something, but I wondered: What's worse, inconsiderate, public fingernail clipping? Or pointing out to someone that public fingernail clipping is inconsiderate?

I was unable to answer the question by the time I got to Montgomery Station, so I had no choice but to look away, close my dropped jaw, and go about my day.

Welcome to TDMR!

It is my belief that most San Franciscans can agree on one thing--the city's public transit system is horrible.

Really, the most reliable aspect of MUNI is its unreliability. Frequent riders face everything from delays to breakdowns and uncomfortably overcrowded trains to outrageous fare increases. And that's just the beginning.

Everyone I know has a story about something they've seen on a bus or train (most often something someone has done or said). So, that's what gave me the idea for this blog. As a regular MUNI rider I have to depend on the undependable and therefore put myself in a position for not only constant disappointment, but also constant entertainment (and sometimes livid irritation) of the riders aboard this city's pathetic means of mass transportation.

That being said, I do understand how fortunate I should feel to have a way to get around the city without the expense of a car. But, is it that hard to ask that it be functional? And more than that, why can't it strive to be exceptional? Think about how many thousands of people use MUNI as their main means of getting around in this city...and further, think about how much time they spend doing that...it adds up my friend.

After several years of putting up with MUNI and all the pain and heartache it has caused me, I'm now ready to lash out--and take my anger to the cyber-streets.

TDMR, Tales of Disastrous MUNI Rides, now serves as an outlet to express MUNI related frustration. Let the ranting begin.