No Food or Drink.

Is that statement confusing to you? It shouldn't be, but I can tell it is.

NO FOOD OR DRINK. Ok, except my coffee? Sure, I can let that slide. It's early, you're grumpy, I got it.

What about my fried chicken leg? No. NO! Come on people!

Yeah I see the sign while I drink some water on the way home from the gym. Occasionally I'll sneak a bite of my morning bagel if the train isn't too crowded; but there is a line--I'd like to call it reason.

Is it reasonable for someone to sip on a caffeinated beverage on the bus? I'm thinking, yes.

Is it reasonable for someone to pull small bottles of alcohol out of their pocket, slurp the contents down and then discard it on the floor of the train. I'm leaning towards no.

Now, I'm really gonna stretch it.

To me, it's most definitely unreasonable for someone to board the bus clenching a half-eaten fried chicken leg, open bag of greasy potato chips, a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and a can of black beans. As if the combination of those things didn't make you want to yack just a little, know that this scenario is not fiction. And, reading about it here is much different than having those smells plop on down next to you.

Freshly showered and wearing clean, newly washed clothes, I boarded the 6-Parnassus heading inbound one early, weekday morning. As usual most seats were taken except for two in the very back row. I sat down, the last empty seat to my left and a woman playing with her iphone on my right.

At the next step a woman stumbled aboard without flashing a pass or sliding in two bucks inside the payment slot. She was mumbling something inaudible and heading right for me--well, the spot next to me.

Of course, she is the drumstick-clenching woman I eluded to above. She parked herself and her make-shift picnic on the seat next to me and began to finish her food on-the-go.

I was a fool to think this woman would eat her food in peace.

She sang into her drumstick like a microphone and let pieces of half-chewed, greasy potato chips spew out at her audience, bowing (almost falling into my lap) at the end each song. After her performance she lashed out at the spectators. Come on! If you put on a show, people gonna watch (no matter how horrible)!

"Whatareyoulookin'at," she slurred at no one in particular. "You'realljustjealous," she rationalized.

Her mumbling persisted while her drumstick mic transformed yet again into some kind of glass which she raised to each rider, "Thisistoyooou," she grumbled out while shoving her face with black beans.

Distracted by her own distraction, the drool-covered, smell-infested (did I forget to mentiontoothless?) woman lost track of the bus's progress and missed her stop. Hey, if you can't handle eating and riding the bus, maybe you shouldn't put your meal on wheels, hu?

Her bothersome behavior escalated involving the whole bus in her missed-stop-tragedy, "Stompthebus!" her outburst caused a catastrophic spill of the beans that missed my leg by inches and her careless disregard for chips resulted in some passengers getting a lap-full.

Once she de-boarded, the entire bus exhaled a sigh of relief and people's focus shifted back to the isolation of iphones and pods--the way mass transit is intended.

Service "Changes"

Effective today, major service changes that affect over half of the MUNI lines will begin.

Because of the $129 million deficit the SFMTA (San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency) is dealing with, extensive "changes" (more like cuts, eliminations, reductions, decreases and limitations) are being implemented. Oh, and once again monthly fares are being increased.

The other day on the J-Church I picked up the 59-page pamphlet that details all of the new changes. Still in disbelief that this is way the SFMTA thinks it will get out of the financial hole--provide less and worse services to a public and charge them more for it--I didn't get past the cover before laughing: "Your MUNI system is changing December 5 know your options."

"Options"? I'm sorry, what are my options? I see only one option (which, therefore isn't an option, it's a choice--a choice that I'm forced to make since the SFMTA can't budget money), and that's that I'll have to learn to wait even longer for any MUNI vehicle that I take on a regular basis. That's a horrible "option."

In case you didn't know, here are the lines that will be experiencing some ch-ch-changes:

N-Judah, 1, 1AX/1BX, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8X/8AX/8BX, 9, 9L, 9X/9AX/9BX, 10, 12, 14L, 16X/16AX/16BX, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 26, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 35, 36, 37, 38, 38L, 41, 44, 47, 48, 52, 53, 54, 66, 67, 71, 88, 89, 91, and 108.

Did I leave any out?

There are only a few positive changes: the 5-Fulton and the 38L-Geary, will both see increased frequency and extended hours. Also the 71L, will run with increased frequency.

Of the decreases, one of the most notable is service to the ballpark and Caltrain depot by the N-Judah will not exist on the weekend. MUNI riders who need to access that part of the city on the weekend will have to transfer at Embarcadero Station and take the T-Third Street line instead. However, no increases will be implemented for the T train. Who thinks this up?

Cancelled lines include the 4-Sutter, 7-Haight, 20-Columbus, 26-Valencia, 53-Southern Heights, and the 89-Laguna Honda.

I understand that the SFMTA sees this deficit as an opportunity to cut where there is room, but I see the situation quite differently. They should see this time as chance to reinvent a failing transit system. More people would ride MUNI (and ride it more frequently, thus spending more money on it) if it were more accessible and convenient. I understand raising rates, but then increase service, offer more! Consumers love getting more for their money. In a time of tight wallets like the past year, I believe San Francisco residents would jump on board in record numbers if MUNI became useful. Isn't this obvious SFMTA?

The most amazing part of reading this mini-booklet was that NOWHERE in the entire thing did it say anything about charging more for the monthly pass! Really? Really, you spend thousands of dollars (maybe even hundreds of thousands of dollars) printing up this big packet which can be summed up in two sentences: "The SFMTA is broke so MUNI service will be drastically decreased. More information can be found on our web site." Done.

If only it were that simple. Instead they wisely decided to spend the extra green on printing these things up. That's like sending out a glossy newsletter to everyone you know announcing you're filing for bankruptcy--just send an e-mail! Quit humiliating yourself with this three-language brochure.

Helpless

Every day MUNI gets worse and there is nothing I can do about it.

Today I went to buy my December pass, still slightly bitter about its escalated price of $55. As I slide my credit card over to the cashier I see a sign for January's passes (yes, there will be two different kinds in 2010) with $60 and $70 price tags on them.

To my horror I learn that come the new year, it will cost me another $5 a month to have access to MUNI service. Is this some kind of sick joke?

Seriously, am I mistaken, or weren't prices just raised in July? No, I know I'm not mistaken, I'm in disbelieve that the SFMTA would have the audacity to raise rates for a second time in less than a year.

Here's some math for thought:

Yearly cost to ride MUNI (and city-wide BART) as of January 2009: $540

Yearly cost to ride MUNI (and city-wide BART) as of January 2010: $840

I'm sorry, but are the people in charge somehow not aware of the global economic crisis? (talk about kicking us when we're down....)

On top of escalating prices, service is changing or getting cut on basically every MUNI line. So, you're going to give me less and charge me more.

Does this make sense to anyone?

I feel powerless. There is nothing I do but pay the fee and take the ride--no matter how expensive or how dangerous. I mean, the SFMTA isn't even publicizing this fare hike, because to them, it doesn't really matter. It's five bucks and if you don't have a car and live in the city (and aren't a hermit) you have to pay it.

Well, I guess I do have one option--strike (and hope it catches on like scrunchies in the 90's).